On His Terms
There are going to be continued posts, just because I have creative license and I can. Unlike the more private members of my family, posting my personal thoughts, feelings, and reflections is a catharses and I love to share those with anyone who will listen (for those of you who know me this comes as no surprise). I want to share a bit of yesterday's experiences, and will be just sharing funny remembrances and stories as they are brought to mind later.
Yesterday, as Dad was preparing to go home to be with Jesus, we were trying to "help him" (since I don't know how not to DO something), we were telling him it was okay to go home and be with Jesus, to take Jesus' hand, his reward was prepared for him. And he was peaceful and fine until we began to talk to him about Mom. This is so funny, because on Friday evening, once Dad was at that place between heaven and earth, but definitely not here, Tommy told him Mom was going to be okay and we would take care of her. He got a definite scowl, and dad forcefully said "uuuh uuuuh". When Tommy tried to reiterate it he got a big growly grunt (those of you who know Dad's usual method of communication will understand this as Dad's version of "the look" from Mom). Tom backed off, but I didn't know he had done it and I did the same thing that night. I got the same response. As the day wore on yesterday, several people reiterated that Mom would be okay and no matter where Dad was or how medicated he was, he would rouse with a scowl and a growl or "uuuuuh uuuh". He promised Mom early on that he would fight, and he fought for her until his last breath. It was so clear that he was fighting for her, his love blazingly apparent to everyone in the room. We all have this image burned into our hearts and minds of Dad, arguing with us and even Mom as we tried to convinve him she would be okay. The medical staff were amazed as he defied the laws of medical reality and forced himself to go on for her. It was the clearest evidence of the enormity of their love lived out in the last moments of his life. This will sustain us all in the days and years to come.
His famliy was lovingly gathered around, and over a dozen times, as we sang worship choruses, praised, prayed, loved, cajoled and begged him to go home to be with Jesus, he psyched us out a dozen or more times and wore us down. You all know Dad loved to laugh, loved a party and was always at the center of it. He HATED emotional scenes and weepy females, and his will must equal that of all three of his children combined from what we saw yesterday. We sat in awe of him forcing his body to wait until it was on his terms. Finally, at 11:00 p.m., exhausted and slightly punch drunk (we'd been watching every breath and facial expression since the early morning hours), we started telling funny stories about Dad. We had barely scratched the surface and had been laughing for about an hour when Dad decided it was time to go. He went on his terms, in the midst of the party and laughter, as he lived his life.
posted by Cari at 8/20/2006 11:31:00 AM
3 Comments:
Sitting next to Grandpa's bed for a week and a half gave me a chance to do something that all of us Grandkids were fortunate enough to do. I got to tell my Grandpa everything I needed to, I got to thank him for everything he had done for me (as if it could ever be counted), and I got to tell him that I loved him.
I left early Saturday morning to head back to California to attempt to get my year started at school, only to find out that Grandpa had taken Jesus' hand that night. At first I was sick that I had left just hours before he died. I wanted to be there when he exited this world and began his Life. As the grief over took me (litterally laying on the floor), Jesus spoke something to me.
Unlike people standing around waiting for him to go, I had truly said goodbye. Although I was not there to see him into the Father's arms, I had the unique opportunity of saying goodbye, knowing it would be the last time I would see my Grandpa on this earth. What a gift that is, to know that everything was said. He knew that I loved him, he knew that I appriciated everything he had ever done for me.
But more than any of those things, my Grandpa knew that I was going to follow the path he had always dreamed for me. No, not an employee of the famed UPS, and no, not even a pastor. My Grandpa had dreamed of me, and all of my cousins, to live a life serving the Lord. Whatever that may look like for each of us, he desired for each of us to serve Jesus and to love Him with all of our hearts.
And so with all (most actually) of his grandchildren gathered around his bed late Friday night, we prayed, and I leaned in close to his ear and prayed, "Jesus, please let Grandpa see all of his grandchildren here, seeking you, and let him know that we all love Jesus, and we will all serve Him the rest of our lives." Grandpa heard that, and I believe that he had peace.
My Grandfather passed on from a life that was well lived. Pastor Pete once said (actually it was his dad), "There are two things that are most important to say about a man at his death. He was faithful to his wife, and he was faithful to his calling." My Grandfather was faithful to both. He loved my Grandma with a romance taken straight out of the Bible, and was faithful to his calling of providing for his family, and guiding them in the path of the Lord. I know what it means to serve Jesus because I saw how my Granpa lived.
Though the grief is great, and there are many more tears to be cried, I have peace. My Grandpa is, at this moment, looking into the face of his Savior, and is hearing, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
What an example to follow.
First let me express my sorrow to the family of Tom Hardeman on the passing of a great man. I really didn't know Tom. I only met him a few times but I have to tell you the story.
I was stopped at a traffic light by Midway and Plano Parkway one afternoon when a car pulled up next to me. As a reflex I glanced over to see this distinguished gentleman sitting in cool looking Prowler. I'm thinking to myself, "Nice car. What a slick looking guy with the silver hair and sunglasses." Then the light changed and the Prowler left my little Pontiac Sunfire in the dust. Then my eyes shifted to the license plate: "UPS IPO" "Ah, that explains it." You see, I work for UPS and as soon as I saw that license plate it all made sense. I didn't know who he was but now I had a connection. Now fast forward a few months and I'm hosting a retiree luncheon at the UPS Southwest Region office. I told that story and asked if that man was in attendance. He sheepishly raised his hand and everyone chuckled. I had a chance to talk to him briefly after the meeting. What a poised and kind-hearted man. Now fast forward another several months. I'm sitting in church one Sunday and during the worship service I scanned the crowd and there's Tom singing with the rest of us. I made my way over to him and re-introduced myself. That's really about all the contact I've ever had with Tom but through other UPS people who've known him and connections through my church, I've been impressed and humbled by the legacy he leaves behind.
My 20 year old son came home one night and described this person to me who he said use to work for UPS. He was at Tom's home with Bo for a college group gathering. It's funny how people's lives connect in various ways.
I'm not exactly sure why I'm saying all this. Maybe it's because I'm always impressed when someone lives a live of integrity, loves his family to the end and leaves a legacy of righteousness, purity and Godliness.
Bo, we've never met but I think your words are the greatest tribute a man could ever hope for--that his family would honor and respect him for the life he lived before you. May God bless you all in your time of celebration and grief.
John Manning
To really KNOW now, what the Shalom of God is like, how I envy you, my Uncle Tom (how I miss you so...)
It's so funny the things that come back to you when you think about the specialness of a person. Who would've thought that the way Tom (and Eileen, of course) taught me how to clean a house, the CORRECT way ;-) would be so important to what I'm doing now. If Tom hadn't taught me how to mop and vacuum my way OUT of a room, I'd be struggling now with my daily duties at the hotel I'm staying in. As I go about, doing my chores, doing LOTS of dishes, I just laugh on the inside, because I know that I'm doing it the way Tom would do it. And it's because he enabled me to be here that I get to now put into practice what he's taught me over the years. He showed me how to really take care of what God has given me.
Thank you, Tom, for showing such a useful part of yourself to me, teaching me the most EFFICIENT way to do things.
My joy is complete in being able to tell everyone here that you're with the Lord and it helps sustain me when the sharp pangs of grief hit me as I realize that it will be a while before I hear that unique laughter and know that you're just around the corner...
I love you and miss you, tj
Post a Comment
<< Home